My ex and I have possibly the most complicatedly wonderful relationship.  We raise our daughter together, sharing holidays and birthdays together. We are almost like brother and sister these days.  And our new partners are actually cool enough to be cool with it all.  We all hang out together, drink wine together, help each other move or change brake fluid. But when my ex told me that he and his girlfriend were planning to try to have a baby, the conscious uncoupling joyride came to a screeching halt.  All kinds of old, inconvenient feelings were coming up.  I knew I had to deal with them quickly and I was afraid I would start to jeopardize our good thing.  I started focusing my daily yoga practice on holding space for these feelings, letting them come up and trying to sit with them and process them.  That was helpful, but I started to get impatient and  decided to get a crystal reiki healing on a whim.  I had never done anything like it and I was scared shitless to go in there and put all my energy out there and talk about this stuff and open myself to someone else’s energy.  Actually that last fear subsided pretty quickly because my healer was such a wise compassionate soul that she put me at easy from the minute I walked through the door and into the dimly lit room.  Of course there were crystals everywhere and art and calming smells that instantly calmed my energy.  We began with a pretty extensive conversation.  She made eye contact and was fully present with me while I cried and laid it out for her with much less grace than I had planned.  After our chat I lay down on a cozy massage table and closed my eyes while she began her work.  Soothing music was playing in the background.  Not typical massage music but something with a strong energy frequency.  I felt the music first begin to vibrate my body.  But it didn’t stop there.  After a minute or so I really started to feel a lot of movement and vibration throughout my entire body, starting in my feet and legs and beginning to swirl around to other parts of my body.  It would move and feel really intense in one area then swirl around to another area like a rapidly moving stream.  I felt the energy moving in and out of my body and I saw swirls of colors and lights. I honestly have no idea how long I was on that table for.  I felt like I had been transformed to another dimension.  The music began to change, the healer began talking to me in soft tones and the energy began to feel like a pleasurable fuzziness in the back of my head.  I slowly began to process the words she was speaking and come back into my body. As I sat up on the table, she described to me how she had experienced my energy, where she felt blocks and where she had cleared .  She showed me all the crystals lying out on a matrix next to me just as she had placed them on and around my body like a map.  She explained what each crystal was, how it worked and why she had chosen it for that area of my body.  A lot of her work was intuitive and it felt like she was making meaning and understanding as she went.  It felt authentic and present and powerful.  I took a picture of the crystal map and took a lot of notes because I felt so high I was sure I was only processing a small percentage of the wisdom she was sharing.  It was like she was peering right into my soul.  When I left I felt like a giant weight had been lifted off of my soul.  I felt free.  I was skeptical, however, about how long the feeling would last.  I tried thinking about ex and girlfriend and baby.  I was terrified to allow this thought into my sphere.  But do you know what, the thought no longer brought up fear or guilt or shame or past regret.  I saw the baby and I felt joy, excitement for a new life.  The baby is due in 3 weeks now, and I’m happy to report that the joy has stayed.  I look forward to the next chapter of uncoupling and I know that the reiki session was a huge support in my heart healing journey.